Archive for August, 2009

Preparation and preocupation

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

worried-womanI am preparing for an event this coming Tuesday.  Needless to say I am doing the best I can and making sure that all basis are covered by the time I am ready to deliver the talk.  In the middle of my preparation my computer started to act up on me.  I noticed the tension creeping up to my shoulders.  I could feel the contraction and the anger starting to show their ugly heads. 

I stopped everything I was doing, turned off the computer and went to the kitchen to do the dishes.  I began to imagine how absurd the situation was if I started to get angry with anything related to this awesome opportunity I was given to share my message with others.  I was preparing myself to give my best to others and I didn’t want any negativity to be part of this preparation!  I reminded myself that nothing is exclusively because of my efforts.  I was planing and creating something for my future as if I was  the one with a major saying on what’s going to happen then!  I reminded myself that I am but a partner with G-d in this journey that is life.  And I know that when I forget to recognize that I become a bit pathetic in thinking that I am totally responsible for my future.  Not to mention that is such an unnecessary weight to carry! 

It is very healthy to recognize that there are major aspects of our existence that are not our responsibility to know about.  As for my struggle with the computer, after finishing the “dishes-meditation” and getting back to my desk, I turned it on and it was working nicely again…

When facing an unpleasant situation this week, before you get exasperated, try removing yourself from it if you can.  Take a break, breath and give it up to the Infinite One.  Remember that you have a partner that has your best interest in mind at all times!

With energy,

Ana

Your Joy Is My Joy

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

joyAs a coach, I have the privilege to witness not only the growth of my clients but my own as well.  As they move forward and achieve a goal they set for themselves, I cannot help but feel inspired and joyful for their success.  I experienced that a couple times this past week.  I felt a surge of encouragement as they shared their successes with me and a feeling of being aligned with my mission as I see them aligned with their own.

When I witness someone’s success, their joy spills over to me and to humanity.  Everything seems to be brighter and achieavable.  Their joy is also my joy!  The world seems to be moving forward to a better place all because someone experienced achievement.  Because of their aligment with their purpose, they shifted the energy of the whole world to a higher place.  What a contribution to humanity that is! 

The sense of contribution is a powerful inspiration to all of us.  When we feel that we contributed, our soul feels at home.  After all, that’s our collective mission as humans – to contribute to make the world a better place.  In order to contribute, we need to know our gifts and find our purpose.  We need to live a meaningful life.  I will be talking about that on September 1st at the Jewish Community Center here in Hong Kong.  If you are in the area, you are welcome to come.  I would love to see you!  Call the JCC @ 2801-5440 and reserve your place.

This week remember to share your joy with others and experience theirs as your own!  

With energy,

Ana

What’s In It For Me?

Saturday, August 15th, 2009

humilityHow did you treat the waiter at the restaurant last night?  How about the beggar you passed by on a busy street?  Relationships in today’s world are very much about utility.  If the other person doesn’t serve me to get to my goal, directly or indirectly, why would I invest in the relationship?  

The one who respects the person that has no power whatsoever and treats him/her with deference has great merit.  This act alone will attract respect and admiration and will build a great deal of friendships.  When we avoid treating others with respect because we can’t see how this person will be of use to us, we are sending a message that she doesn’t matter to this world and denying her right of being acknowledged.  This act alone is almost as serious as murder.  We are “killing” her from a social point of view.  We are saying “you don’t matter to me and to society.” 

In many levels, the treatment we give to others is the treatment we are giving to ourselves. If we only engage in relationships that will have some “utility” for us in the present or future, we are bound to be treated the same way by others.  

Think about that the next time you are face to face with a person that can do nothing for you.  Would you smile to this person?  Would you say a kind word?  Or would act with entitlement and remind them of their powerless state?  It’s always your choice.

With energy,

The “N” Word

Sunday, August 9th, 2009

saying-noThe title of my first event in Hong Kong this past week was “Learning To Say NO With Dignity and Grace.”  I am grateful for the support I received and to see how timely this topic is.  I shared a few points and we also had a group coaching discussion around it.  We came up with some very interesting conclusions.  The question “Why we have a difficult time saying NO” opened our discussion.  Some of the answers and our conclusions were:

1.  “Saying NO might end or limit the flow of opportunities coming into our lives.” – It’s actually the reverse!  You will be maintaining the space for the right opportunities and relationships to come into your life.

2.  “We want to be loved and accepted.” – Women in particular have a need to be liked and to please others.  This is a cultural phenomenon; Women are raised to be good and men are raised to be right.  That explains why it’s harder for women to say NO and for men to ask for directions!  They suppose to know already!

3.  “If we say NO who else is going to do it?  The task will never be done if we ourselves don’t do it.” – That’s actually an inflation of our ego.  Someone will get the job done and it will happen if it’s meant to happen.  We are not the only ones that can make it happen.

Now, let’s imagine that we are now living our lives saying NO with grace and easiness.  How would that look like?  Maybe you will have more time, will feel more aligned with your own truth, will become more empowered and have more energy to help others when you actually want to do it.  Guess what might happen?  You will help others much more often!  You will have energy and time to be of service without straining your life and your dreams.

In order to help the participants achieve that, I shared a few tools with them.  I am doing the same here so you can benefit from them as well and start saying NO immediately.

The X-treme Tool: Go to the opposite extreme for a week and say NO to every offer or request.  If you change your mind later, you can always go back and say yes, but the first response is NO – “No, and thanks for asking.”  Even extremely successful people have difficulty with this tool, but it breaks the yes habit.  You begin to see that the world will not come to an end if you say NO.  Your friend’s won’t leave you and will still love you.

The Buying Time Tool:  If the first one is too radical for you, try the Buying Time Tool and say: “Thanks for the invitation; may I think about it and let you know later/tomorrow?”  Often, it is difficult to determine on the spot weather you want to do something and our initial response is usually to please the other person which produces a “yes” when we you really mean “NO”.  If you give yourself sometime to think about it, you can call back the next day and accept, decline or counteroffer.

The Broken Record Tool:  This is an idea from Manuel J. Smith’s book, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.  No matter how the other person responds you just keep repeating your statement in a neutral, low key tone.  For example, “Oh, but we really need you and you did such a good job last year.” And you simply respond, “Thank You.  I was glad to help last year, however I must decline this year.”   

Saying NO is a muscle that needs developing.  In order to develop anything it requires repetition.  It will take time and commitment to develop the NO muscle.  The dividends however, will be worthwhile.  The other thing about saying NO is that you don’t have to tell a lie, justify yourself or volunteer information.  Most people will respect that.  If someone keeps pressing, you can simply say; “I am not interested in working on that project.”  Or, “I am working on other projects this time.”  

I encourage you to start using the tools right now.  Experience the results of your actions and feel empowered by saying NO with dignity and grace!  The results of your actions will inspire you to keep extending your boundaries and give yourself room to develop your gifts so that you can share them with the world!  I believe we all have unique gifts and talents that we can use to make this world a better place.  Go out there and let them shine!

With energy,

Ana