Energy Coaching

There will be times when we all make mistakes.  Sometimes big ones.  There will be times when we overreact, offend someone, slip up, overlook the obvious, and so forth.  The most important question isn’t so much whether or not we will mess up, but rather how quickly we can recover when we do mess up.  We can turn a relatively minor setback or mistake into a much bigger deal by over analyzing our actions (or someone else’s).  I can so relate to that!

See your mistakes, admit to them, and move on - in other words, recover quickly.  The trick seems to be a willingness to forgive yourself - and others - for being human and for making mistakes.  By recovering more quickly, you will learn from others as well as from your mistakes, and as a result, your life will become substantially less stressful.

This week bring more forgiveness into your life.  Firstly by forgiving yourself and then by forgiving others.  We all learn and grow precisely by making mistakes.  Learn to recognize that in your life and in the lives of others around you.

With energy,

Ana

Sometimes I find myself in a conversation with someone who tells me about how difficult it is to get what they want.  It seems that someone, somewhere, is  magically stopping them from doing things; or worse, from being the best they can be.  It is as if a conspiracy plot has been established against them and there is no time, no money, no opportunities, no encouragement, no energy in their lives.  Wow, can you feel how stuck this sounds?  No wonder nothing is happening!

I realize that there has been a bit of a rearranging of sorts in the world lately, but that has become an excuse for people to become comfortable with the victim mentality.  It’s like quick sand; it pulls us in and unless we work to change our own perspective we are quickly drawn to it.

There are two main points I want to make here.  The first one is we ALWAYS have a choice on how we perceive the world and what’s happening around us.  More often than not, many people fail to realize that they are in the process of making things happen and quickly forget that it takes time to harvest what they have planted.  When they don’t see the quick results they go in to resentment mode, then anger and then the victim mentality.  I guess we established in the beginning of this post how unattractive this is!  The negativity that this state of mind brings will make everything very difficult and the negative self-fulfilling prophecies will begin to take shape.  Who’s choice it was to feel that way?

Pause for deep thinking……

Now to the second point.  It is crucial to understand that it takes time for the seeds you have planted to grow roots, sprout and bear fruit.  Instead of keeping fostering the resentment and the anger, you want to be in touch with your vision and your dream so that you keep yourself aligned with what’s important to you and what gives you energy while you wait for the seeds to bear fruit.  Having a clear vision will also keep you away from the negative feelings that tend to creep in once we let our doubts come into the process.  When you remind yourself of your vision and keep getting energy from it, things seem to work themselves out and results start coming in quicker than you imagined.

You are responsible for your success and for your actions.  You create your future based on how you choose to see what’s happening to your life.  A victim will see fault in the process.  A survivor will see lessons and opportunities no matter what happens to him/her.

How do you see yourself?  A victim or a survivor?  Are you blaming the process or are you seeing opportunities?

Feel free to share with me the answers to these questions.  I would be happy to send some feedback to you and to ensure that you get the support you need to see things in a different light.

With energy,

Ana

What you put your attention on grows stronger in your life.  Imagine for a moment that your life revolves around what you are passionate about; your family, friends, your ideal career, your favorite hobbies, etc.  Everything that you do has the element of passion and love involved.  How much different would your life be?

Living your passions is the secret to have more joy and love in your life.  It seems like an easy thing to do, but let me ask you this:  Are you passionate about your work?  Are you making time for your favorite hobbies and sports in your life now?  Are you spending quality time with your loved ones?  How long since you and your partner went out on a passionate date?

The writer Viktor Frankl wrote in his book “ Man’s Search For Meaning” that “The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in his or her life.”  We can only find meaning in our lives if we follow our passions.  And how do we find our passions?  Great question!

First you need to be clear about who you are - what your values are, what’s important to you, what makes you smile, what your strengths are and where your creativity lies.  After doing the inner work, you will have clarity and clarity leads to the power to act.  The clarity about who you are will lead you to the clarity about what your passions are.

Your passions are the loves of your life.  They are the things that are most important to you.  When you are living your passions you are aligned with your personal destiny.  When you are aligned with your destiny, your life is joyful, delightful, exciting and fulfilling.  That’s our natural way of living.  That’s the way that leads us to experience true LOVE!

With energy and passion,

Ana

How did you treat the waiter at the restaurant last night?  How about the beggar you passed by on a busy street?  Relationships in today’s world are very much about utility.  If the other person doesn’t serve me to get to my goal, directly or indirectly, why would I invest in the relationship?  

The one who respects the person that has no power whatsoever and treats him/her with deference has great merit.  This act alone will attract respect and admiration and will build a great deal of friendships.  When we avoid treating others with respect because we can’t see how this person will be of use to us, we are sending a message that she doesn’t matter to this world and denying her right of being acknowledged.  This act alone is almost as serious as murder.  We are “killing” her from a social point of view.  We are saying “you don’t matter to me and to society.” 

In many levels, the treatment we give to others is the treatment we are giving to ourselves. If we only engage in relationships that will have some “utility” for us in the present or future, we are bound to be treated the same way by others.  

Think about that the next time you are face to face with a person that can do nothing for you.  Would you smile to this person?  Would you say a kind word?  Or would act with entitlement and remind them of their powerless state?  It’s always your choice.

With energy,

The title of my first event in Hong Kong this past week was “Learning To Say NO With Dignity and Grace.”  I am grateful for the support I received and to see how timely this topic is.  I shared a few points and we also had a group coaching discussion around it.  We came up with some very interesting conclusions.  The question ”Why we have a difficult time saying NO” opened our discussion.  Some of the answers and our conclusions were:

1.  “Saying NO might end or limit the flow of opportunities coming into our lives.” - It’s actually the reverse!  You will be maintaining the space for the right opportunities and relationships to come into your life.

2.  “We want to be loved and accepted.” - Women in particular have a need to be liked and to please others.  This is a cultural phenomenon; Women are raised to be good and men are raised to be right.  That explains why it’s harder for women to say NO and for men to ask for directions!  They suppose to know already!

3.  “If we say NO who else is going to do it?  The task will never be done if we ourselves don’t do it.” - That’s actually an inflation of our ego.  Someone will get the job done and it will happen if it’s meant to happen.  We are not the only ones that can make it happen.

Now, let’s imagine that we are now living our lives saying NO with grace and easiness.  How would that look like?  Maybe you will have more time, will feel more aligned with your own truth, will become more empowered and have more energy to help others when you actually want to do it.  Guess what might happen?  You will help others much more often!  You will have energy and time to be of service without straining your life and your dreams.

In order to help the participants achieve that, I shared a few tools with them.  I am doing the same here so you can benefit from them as well and start saying NO immediately.

The X-treme Tool: Go to the opposite extreme for a week and say NO to every offer or request.  If you change your mind later, you can always go back and say yes, but the first response is NO - “No, and thanks for asking.”  Even extremely successful people have difficulty with this tool, but it breaks the yes habit.  You begin to see that the world will not come to an end if you say NO.  Your friend’s won’t leave you and will still love you.

The Buying Time Tool:  If the first one is too radical for you, try the Buying Time Tool and say: “Thanks for the invitation; may I think about it and let you know later/tomorrow?”  Often, it is difficult to determine on the spot weather you want to do something and our initial response is usually to please the other person which produces a “yes” when we you really mean “NO”.  If you give yourself sometime to think about it, you can call back the next day and accept, decline or counteroffer.

The Broken Record Tool:  This is an idea from Manuel J. Smith’s book, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.  No matter how the other person responds you just keep repeating your statement in a neutral, low key tone.  For example, “Oh, but we really need you and you did such a good job last year.” And you simply respond, “Thank You.  I was glad to help last year, however I must decline this year.”   

Saying NO is a muscle that needs developing.  In order to develop anything it requires repetition.  It will take time and commitment to develop the NO muscle.  The dividends however, will be worthwhile.  The other thing about saying NO is that you don’t have to tell a lie, justify yourself or volunteer information.  Most people will respect that.  If someone keeps pressing, you can simply say; “I am not interested in working on that project.”  Or, “I am working on other projects this time.”  

I encourage you to start using the tools right now.  Experience the results of your actions and feel empowered by saying NO with dignity and grace!  The results of your actions will inspire you to keep extending your boundaries and give yourself room to develop your gifts so that you can share them with the world!  I believe we all have unique gifts and talents that we can use to make this world a better place.  Go out there and let them shine!

With energy,

Ana