Energy Coaching

The title of my first event in Hong Kong this past week was “Learning To Say NO With Dignity and Grace.”  I am grateful for the support I received and to see how timely this topic is.  I shared a few points and we also had a group coaching discussion around it.  We came up with some very interesting conclusions.  The question ”Why we have a difficult time saying NO” opened our discussion.  Some of the answers and our conclusions were:

1.  “Saying NO might end or limit the flow of opportunities coming into our lives.” – It’s actually the reverse!  You will be maintaining the space for the right opportunities and relationships to come into your life.

2.  “We want to be loved and accepted.” – Women in particular have a need to be liked and to please others.  This is a cultural phenomenon; Women are raised to be good and men are raised to be right.  That explains why it’s harder for women to say NO and for men to ask for directions!  They suppose to know already!

3.  “If we say NO who else is going to do it?  The task will never be done if we ourselves don’t do it.” – That’s actually an inflation of our ego.  Someone will get the job done and it will happen if it’s meant to happen.  We are not the only ones that can make it happen.

Now, let’s imagine that we are now living our lives saying NO with grace and easiness.  How would that look like?  Maybe you will have more time, will feel more aligned with your own truth, will become more empowered and have more energy to help others when you actually want to do it.  Guess what might happen?  You will help others much more often!  You will have energy and time to be of service without straining your life and your dreams.

In order to help the participants achieve that, I shared a few tools with them.  I am doing the same here so you can benefit from them as well and start saying NO immediately.

The X-treme Tool: Go to the opposite extreme for a week and say NO to every offer or request.  If you change your mind later, you can always go back and say yes, but the first response is NO – “No, and thanks for asking.”  Even extremely successful people have difficulty with this tool, but it breaks the yes habit.  You begin to see that the world will not come to an end if you say NO.  Your friend’s won’t leave you and will still love you.

The Buying Time Tool:  If the first one is too radical for you, try the Buying Time Tool and say: “Thanks for the invitation; may I think about it and let you know later/tomorrow?”  Often, it is difficult to determine on the spot weather you want to do something and our initial response is usually to please the other person which produces a “yes” when we you really mean “NO”.  If you give yourself sometime to think about it, you can call back the next day and accept, decline or counteroffer.

The Broken Record Tool:  This is an idea from Manuel J. Smith’s book, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.  No matter how the other person responds you just keep repeating your statement in a neutral, low key tone.  For example, “Oh, but we really need you and you did such a good job last year.” And you simply respond, “Thank You.  I was glad to help last year, however I must decline this year.”   

Saying NO is a muscle that needs developing.  In order to develop anything it requires repetition.  It will take time and commitment to develop the NO muscle.  The dividends however, will be worthwhile.  The other thing about saying NO is that you don’t have to tell a lie, justify yourself or volunteer information.  Most people will respect that.  If someone keeps pressing, you can simply say; “I am not interested in working on that project.”  Or, “I am working on other projects this time.”  

I encourage you to start using the tools right now.  Experience the results of your actions and feel empowered by saying NO with dignity and grace!  The results of your actions will inspire you to keep extending your boundaries and give yourself room to develop your gifts so that you can share them with the world!  I believe we all have unique gifts and talents that we can use to make this world a better place.  Go out there and let them shine!

With energy,

Ana

I have been a world class athlete for many years.  As I transitioned to the “real world” and became a successful entrepreneur and a life coach, I noticed many traits that were present in both my careers as an athlete and as a business woman.  Some of these traits were imperative for me to achieve my goals. 

Focus, discipline, hard work, integrity, passion for what I am doing, confidence and commitment are some of the attributes that allowed me to realize my dreams.  While these are all good qualities to have, the main reason why I was able to achieve my goals was/is my mindset.  “It’s all up here” it’s not just a saying; it is a reality.  We are who we think we are!  This mindset will lead us to take actions that will help us step into our power and become the person we want to be.

The attributes I mentioned are also found in many people that we know and admire that have achieved positions of leadership in the world.  We all have the potential to develop these qualities.  It’s within our reach.  We simply need to decide to change our mindset and go for it.  What does that mean?  It means that we need to become clear about what you love, define a goal and design an action plan to achieve it.  It means to be open to recruit help if necessary, create a support system that will encourage us to move forward and to have compassion for ourselves during the process. 

Most of the people I come across have been trying really hard to live a fulfilling life.  A number of them have the right intentions and the wrong mindset.  This week I want to invite you to play with the notion of “what if’s…”.  What if I have all the resources I think I need to succeed, what if I could make a living doing exactly what I love and help people in the process, what if I had the clarity to know what I really want, what if…  Write down your answers in your journal or in a piece of paper.  What feelings come up for you?  Play with it.  See how you feel when you allow yourself to be open minded and creative.  This exercise will give you a taste of what it feels like to have a different mindset; one that will actually help you move forward and become a great success! 

With energy,

Ana

Our response to a ringing phone is one of the few things in life over which we have total control and decision making authority.  There are answering machines and voicemail that can do this job for us when we need it.  Yet, many times we don’t seem to realize that.  If the phone rings, some of us feel that we must stop whatever it is that we are doing and answer it. 

Why not turn the ringer off about thirty minutes before you have to leave to be somewhere?  This way you won’t be tempted to answer the phone and add stress to your day having to rush out of the house.  Other suggestions for when not to answer your phone:

1.  While having an important conversation with a friend, with your significant other, with your child.

2.  During meals.

3.  While having your own quality time with yourself.

Ask yourself the question, “Is answering the phone at this moment going to make my life easier, or is it going to add stress to my day?”  Simple as it seems, choosing not to answer the phone, on selected occasions, can be a very empowering decision and can greatly reduce the stress in your daily life.

With energy,

Ana

1.  Start from where you are and take one step at the time.  Be gentle with yourself.  A tool I like to use with my clients is to ask them to always have a picture of themselves as a child around their office or in their bedroom.  The picture reminds them that we still have that child inside of ourselves.  We would not say things to a child that would diminish their fragile selves.  Think about that before you call yourself less than wonderful things.

2.  Examine your resistance points  – the things that irritate you, limit you or cause you to react.  I realize that’s a tough one and it does take practice.  It’s worth it to breathe a few times, get outside of ourselves and ask why we are reacting.  Examine your reaction with a clinical eye.  Resist the temptation to judge; just observe yourself and ask why you are reacting the way you are.

3.  Recognize that whatever you are experiencing at this moment is appropriate to your need to grow.  Everything we experience is preparing us for our next step.  When we embrace the challenges we are able to focus on the present and find solutions much more quickly. 

4.  Stop worring about others and what they think of you.  Seriously, who’s paying your bills?  What people think of you will most likely be forgotten within the next 10 minutes if you are important to that person.  What they think of you will not affect their lives.  Why should it affect yours? 

5.  Realize that it doesn’t matter what happened to you or who did it to you; the only thing that matters is what you do about it.  If you choose to forget it, it’s history.  If you dwell on it you will create negative feelings around yourself. 

6.  Learn to refrain from judging others.  Things are rarely what they seem and we don’t know what others have been through.  It’s best to give people the benefit of the doubt and wait a bit before saying something that might hurt others.

7.  Learning to operate hollistically by opening up to the other possibilities that are always there.  If you see things the same way, you won’t find new solutions to old problems or better ways of doing things. 

8.  Finish your unfinished business.  Forgive, forget and forge ahead.  Let things, people and relationships go with grace.  Start from the outside and work your way to the inside.  Your wardrobe is a great place to begin!

9.  When faced with an apparently hopeless situation, take action, any action.  Inertia leads to depression. 

10.  Take time for yourself and for doing things that bring you energy.  Make sure you do exactly what brings you joy – get your manicure, pedicure, massage, read the book you love, drink the tea you adore, eat that pice of chocolate after lunch, exercise.  Whatever it is, make sure you do it for yourself.  It’s not indulgence; it’s recharging.

Wishing you an empowering month!

With energy,

Ana

It has been said that our ultimate concern in life is to avoid pain and to gain pleasure.  I respectfully disagree with this affirmation.  My opinion is that our main concern is neither to gain pleasure nor to avoid pain but rather to discover a meaning to our lives.  How do we find meaning to our lives?  Great question…

First of all, our lives are so individualized that their meanings are also unique to each one of us.  Second of all, the situations in our lives are constantly changing.   What I mean by these two statements is that, to find the meaning of our lives, we need to first look inside ourselves and ask questions that are pertinent to our lives and not to that of others.  The answers only fit us, our passions and our mission.  The second statement has to do with finding a meaning to our lives by finding a meaning to the present moment we are living.  It’s about asking questions then and there, finding out the why – an aim – for our lives.  The meaning of life differs from person to person and from moment to moment. 

Ultimately, it’s all about understanding the present moment as being your life’s meaning.  Taking ownership of every second of our lives, constantly seeking to live a life that is aligned with our passions and with our desire to contribute, simply overflows our lives with meaning.  Learning that even our suffering has a meaning, allows us to see that when we accept a challenge, we are presented with an opportunity to go deeper and perhaps discover the true meaning of our lives.  A challenge forces us to live in the present, to worry about it, and to even forget about the future or the past in order to focus on its solution. 

Explore, ask and look for your own answers!  No one else can find them but you. 

With energy,

Ana 

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”  Nietzsche.