Energy Coaching

Most ALL of us use procrastination at some time in our lives, do we not? It seems to me if a tool is so widely used, there must be something to it. As a coach, procrastination is almost always the first thing my clients want to eliminate from their lives. As you will read, I advise them not to eliminate the very tool that is there to help them navigate the rough spots in life and business.

I prefer to think of procrastination in the same category as a detour in the road. The purpose of a detour is to give us a warning, help us avoid something dangerous and provides a safer route. Detours usually take a little longer, they circumvent the problem, but in the end we arrive at our destination safe and sound. In most cases you will discover that properly employed procrastination, like a detour, will give you an alternate route to the solution of the problem at hand.

Talane Meidaner, in her book, Coach Yourself to Success poses this question: “What if procrastination was a good thing, and we stopped beating ourselves up about it and learned why we do it?” She describes several circumstances in which people find themselves procrastinating and offers solutions to the problem.

The Put Off: We Put off something we do not like doing. Sometimes if we procrastinate long enough it causes another person to do it for us, sometimes it becomes too late to do it and we end up not having to do it at all. What if instead, we looked at what it was we were putting off, determined it was something distasteful to us and immediately found a way to delegate it to another person? There may even be times when it makes sense to decline to do the task. In this instance it would be important to inform any people that may be depending upon us for the result or task, but in the end they are better served if we decide and inform them as soon as we know so they can get the job completed by someone that will probably do a more complete job anyway. And our reward is: the uncomfortable or distasteful task is off our plate and the energy drain caused by its presence is eliminated.

The Fear Factor: Sometimes we find ourselves procrastinating because we are frightened. We may believe we are not capable of completing the task. We may believe we do not have the knowledge or expertise to complete the project. We may believe we do not have anything of value to contribute. We may be frightened of rejection. The project may feel too big to us and we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed with its scope and not able to move ahead with the process. Fear is a real emotion and one to be heeded. But the possibility exists, to examine the fears and discover the energy behind them.

• If lack of knowledge or expertise is the fear, we can find ways to gather the knowledge we need or find experts in the particular field to support our work. We may need to request more time for research, but we can move ahead and complete the project.

• If the fear is that of not adding value, or being rejected: we can review our strengths, research, brainstorm and discover a method of adding value that may also eliminate the potential for rejection.

Once we can name the fear, we can often find a solution to its source and eliminate it.

There are many reasons why we procrastinate. The above examples are just a few. Think about times when you get stuck or are overwhelmed and procrastinating. What are some of your reasons?

In most cases you will discover that properly employed procrastination, like a detour, will give you an alternate route to the solution of the problem at hand. You can shorten the detour or speed up the process if you treat your procrastination as a tool that can help you through life rather than beating yourself up and wasting time in self-chastisement.

You can learn to use the five steps to using procrastination as a tool for life.

• First: Recognize when you are in procrastination mode. Speak out loud and call it by name!

• Second: Congratulate yourself for using so valuable a life tool!

• Third: Take the time to stop, think and look at why you are procrastinating.

• Fourth: take each why and discover solutions to those issues. Once you discover the why, and there may be multiple whys, it is much easier to break the problem into smaller parts and approach each issue.

• Fifth: Create a strategy and timetable to carry it out.

Coach’s challenge:  This week begin to look at procrastination in this more positive light. You will discover that it immediately becomes a friend, not a foe and the energy around it relaxes. Go a step further and begin to employ the five steps to using procrastination as a tool for life.

With energy,

Ana

I am preparing for an event this coming Tuesday.  Needless to say I am doing the best I can and making sure that all basis are covered by the time I am ready to deliver the talk.  In the middle of my preparation my computer started to act up on me.  I noticed the tension creeping up to my shoulders.  I could feel the contraction and the anger starting to show their ugly heads. 

I stopped everything I was doing, turned off the computer and went to the kitchen to do the dishes.  I began to imagine how absurd the situation was if I started to get angry with anything related to this awesome opportunity I was given to share my message with others.  I was preparing myself to give my best to others and I didn’t want any negativity to be part of this preparation!  I reminded myself that nothing is exclusively because of my efforts.  I was planing and creating something for my future as if I was  the one with a major saying on what’s going to happen then!  I reminded myself that I am but a partner with G-d in this journey that is life.  And I know that when I forget to recognize that I become a bit pathetic in thinking that I am totally responsible for my future.  Not to mention that is such an unnecessary weight to carry! 

It is very healthy to recognize that there are major aspects of our existence that are not our responsibility to know about.  As for my struggle with the computer, after finishing the “dishes-meditation” and getting back to my desk, I turned it on and it was working nicely again…

When facing an unpleasant situation this week, before you get exasperated, try removing yourself from it if you can.  Take a break, breath and give it up to the Infinite One.  Remember that you have a partner that has your best interest in mind at all times!

With energy,

Ana

The title of my first event in Hong Kong this past week was “Learning To Say NO With Dignity and Grace.”  I am grateful for the support I received and to see how timely this topic is.  I shared a few points and we also had a group coaching discussion around it.  We came up with some very interesting conclusions.  The question ”Why we have a difficult time saying NO” opened our discussion.  Some of the answers and our conclusions were:

1.  “Saying NO might end or limit the flow of opportunities coming into our lives.” – It’s actually the reverse!  You will be maintaining the space for the right opportunities and relationships to come into your life.

2.  “We want to be loved and accepted.” – Women in particular have a need to be liked and to please others.  This is a cultural phenomenon; Women are raised to be good and men are raised to be right.  That explains why it’s harder for women to say NO and for men to ask for directions!  They suppose to know already!

3.  “If we say NO who else is going to do it?  The task will never be done if we ourselves don’t do it.” – That’s actually an inflation of our ego.  Someone will get the job done and it will happen if it’s meant to happen.  We are not the only ones that can make it happen.

Now, let’s imagine that we are now living our lives saying NO with grace and easiness.  How would that look like?  Maybe you will have more time, will feel more aligned with your own truth, will become more empowered and have more energy to help others when you actually want to do it.  Guess what might happen?  You will help others much more often!  You will have energy and time to be of service without straining your life and your dreams.

In order to help the participants achieve that, I shared a few tools with them.  I am doing the same here so you can benefit from them as well and start saying NO immediately.

The X-treme Tool: Go to the opposite extreme for a week and say NO to every offer or request.  If you change your mind later, you can always go back and say yes, but the first response is NO – “No, and thanks for asking.”  Even extremely successful people have difficulty with this tool, but it breaks the yes habit.  You begin to see that the world will not come to an end if you say NO.  Your friend’s won’t leave you and will still love you.

The Buying Time Tool:  If the first one is too radical for you, try the Buying Time Tool and say: “Thanks for the invitation; may I think about it and let you know later/tomorrow?”  Often, it is difficult to determine on the spot weather you want to do something and our initial response is usually to please the other person which produces a “yes” when we you really mean “NO”.  If you give yourself sometime to think about it, you can call back the next day and accept, decline or counteroffer.

The Broken Record Tool:  This is an idea from Manuel J. Smith’s book, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.  No matter how the other person responds you just keep repeating your statement in a neutral, low key tone.  For example, “Oh, but we really need you and you did such a good job last year.” And you simply respond, “Thank You.  I was glad to help last year, however I must decline this year.”   

Saying NO is a muscle that needs developing.  In order to develop anything it requires repetition.  It will take time and commitment to develop the NO muscle.  The dividends however, will be worthwhile.  The other thing about saying NO is that you don’t have to tell a lie, justify yourself or volunteer information.  Most people will respect that.  If someone keeps pressing, you can simply say; “I am not interested in working on that project.”  Or, “I am working on other projects this time.”  

I encourage you to start using the tools right now.  Experience the results of your actions and feel empowered by saying NO with dignity and grace!  The results of your actions will inspire you to keep extending your boundaries and give yourself room to develop your gifts so that you can share them with the world!  I believe we all have unique gifts and talents that we can use to make this world a better place.  Go out there and let them shine!

With energy,

Ana

Our response to a ringing phone is one of the few things in life over which we have total control and decision making authority.  There are answering machines and voicemail that can do this job for us when we need it.  Yet, many times we don’t seem to realize that.  If the phone rings, some of us feel that we must stop whatever it is that we are doing and answer it. 

Why not turn the ringer off about thirty minutes before you have to leave to be somewhere?  This way you won’t be tempted to answer the phone and add stress to your day having to rush out of the house.  Other suggestions for when not to answer your phone:

1.  While having an important conversation with a friend, with your significant other, with your child.

2.  During meals.

3.  While having your own quality time with yourself.

Ask yourself the question, “Is answering the phone at this moment going to make my life easier, or is it going to add stress to my day?”  Simple as it seems, choosing not to answer the phone, on selected occasions, can be a very empowering decision and can greatly reduce the stress in your daily life.

With energy,

Ana

Wow!  I live in a busy city!  Hong Kong’s lights are almost never out and I can see boats going back and forth even at the wee hours of the morning!  No wonder putting emphasis on our “busyness” has become a way of life here and in most places around our busy world. 

One of the most common responses to the greeting “How are you doing?” has become “I’m so busy.”   It’s very tempting to start a conversations with these words because most of us are indeed very busy.  The problem with this response is that it sets the tone for the rest of the conversation.  It puts emphasis on “busyness” by reminding both parties how stressful and complicated life has become.  Instead of choosing to spend a moment saying hello to a friend, we are choosing to spend even our spare moments emphasizing and reminding ourselves how busy we are.

Experiment this week with eliminating any discussion about how busy you are.  When saying hello to a friend, focus on listening how he/she is really doing.  If the conversation steers toward the “busyness” aspect of his/her life, offer to respond in a different way.  Shift the focus of the conversation to something that he/she accomplished, something that made you smile, some good news you’ve just heard.  The people you speak to will sense the permission from you to talk about something other than their own “busyness” and it will help them feel less stressed. 

So, for this coming week, everytime someone asks you how you are doing, say anything except “I am really busy”. 

I will be interested to hear from you if there were any shifts in your thinking!  Drop us a note!

With energy,

Ana